my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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