Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
