She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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