so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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