new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm both gender and math confused
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
