My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
