I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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