Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
