Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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