my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize