Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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