You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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