I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
