Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
