Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
