Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
