If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
