farters have to be the big spoon...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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