I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everyone says I win the strip club
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
