You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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