I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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