I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
