Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
