it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
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Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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