Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
