the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
