My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
