It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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