Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
