K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
