I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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