i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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