I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
