We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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