so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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