He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
