He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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