TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
