My brain says no but my pants say off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
