i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
