meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
