i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
