Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
