ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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