plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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