Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
