I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
