You're my little dorito
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
