Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
