I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
