I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
