every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
