Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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