i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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