i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
