She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
