you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
