Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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