How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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