My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
