so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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