just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
