put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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