The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
