You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
