the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
