i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
