Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
