I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
