Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
