So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
