Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
