I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
