Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
