I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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