Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A+ Viking dick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
