she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
