Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
